Thursday, January 08, 2004
Here in Atlanta, and apparently across much of the country, it's cold as fuck. Which has thrown a large wrench into this whole vacation fiasco. Maybe I should save the rest of it for May. If I wanted this sort of weather, I'd move to Chicago. The air is a liquid, never mind what the humidity levels supposedly are at the moment. I can feel it flowing around me, all these atmospheres become an upstart gas with aspirations to solidity. I wonder what a plane ticket to Belize would set me back? Well, if I could fly, but I can't, because as soon as one of those airport security gleets asked me take off my boots I'd say no thank you, I keep all my explosives at home, not in the heels of my shoes, and they'd get pushy and I'd punch someone and go to jail. My gods, it's cold in here. I think my brain is freezing as frigid air drawn in through my nostrils meets my sinus cavities. In the winter, the South is very ugly.
Though not as ugly as Detroit in the summer.
I feel so unlikely today. If you charted my life, with May 26, 19-- being point A and today being point B, no one would believe it. It wouldn't sell in the bookstores and the movie reviewers would balk. Such a forced plot. How could anyone be asked to believe such ridiculous twists and turns? I'd want my money back. None of that ever happened. The real world doesn't work like that.
I feel very unlikely today.
So, I think that I shall believe in all absurdities today, as a tribute to myself. Today I shall accept that the world is only ten thousand years old and the Grand Canyon was carved by Noah's Flood. I shall believe that dumb children are actually hyperintelligent alien hybrids. That Elvis is alive and well in Biloxi, Mississippi. That the earth is hollow and the Civil War had nothing to do with slavery. The Holocaust was a hoax masterminded by communist lemmings bent on global domination and a total monopoly of the jackboot market. I will, for the next twenty-four hours, accept the obvious truths of flatearthism and Von Danikenism and Velikovskyism and Orgonomic Functionalism. I will believe that modern pharmeceuticals could have saved Anne Sexton. That America is the home of the free and George Bush didn't steal the White House. That UFOs routinely buzz Gulf Breeze and Atlantis sits at the bottom of Bermuda Triangle, zapping planes from the sky with a malfunctioning prehistoric heat ray. I will buy into any scam that comes my way, any flim-flam, any come-on. Humanity is humane. God is love. I shall see as reasonable the teachings of Wayne Dyer and Carlos Castaneda. I'll believe in jackalopes and unicorns and well-meaning Republicans. That meat is murder and Ralph Nader can ever be anything but a joke and a nuisance. I'll even consider the possibility that crap Windows boxes are superior to Macs, that's how far I'm willing to go with this.
Only unlikely things ever occur, because everything is equally unlikely, given an assumption of infinity.
Meanwhile, nothing happened yesterday. A day I lost somewhere. That's all.
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