Wednesday, November 19, 2003
After a very blustery day, and a very rainy night (shades of Pooh), the day is bright and sunny and somewhat cooler. Few things comfort me more than falling asleep to the sound of rain on the windows. So. I'm in better spirits today than I have been in some time.
Yesterday, we proofread chapters Eight and Nine, 111 pp., in about five hours. I'm doing some degree of rewrite on almost every sentence, it seems, which is making to going slow. But it was a good work day. No interruptions, except for a phone call from LA reminding me that the Threshold screenplay really is important. I promised to get back to it after Thanksgiving. By then, Murder of Angels should be out of my hands (for a time) and back in New York. I think that I'm only now falling in love with this strange and tragic story. It's hard, knowing what's coming for all the people trapped inside the novel. But this one was so difficult for me to get out and onto paper, it's also a blessing, to find myself pleased with it, moved by it, feeling protective of it. Today we do chapters Ten and Eleven and the epilogue and then the first round of proofreading will be done. Last night I tweaked Nebari.Net just a little, adding some graphics to Llar'en's figures on the Nebari Prime page. He promises to get around to stats for all the other planets in the Nay'savevyen System, in time. I think my next project for the page is an atlas of Nebari Prime, illustrating the major land masses, oceans, and climactic zones.
My new musical obsession is Bruderschaft, a collaborative effort by members of VNV Nation, Apoptygma Berzerk, Icon of Coil, Covenant, and DJ Rexx Arcana. It's only a single song, "Forever," but it's a single song of such amazing strength and beauty. The lyrics were written by DJ Rexx Arcana after the death of his father from cancer and all proceeds from the CD go to cancer charities. The disc can be ordered online from Middle Pillar. It's hitting me in so many places at once, that blending of sorrow and regret and triumph and dignity that I think is so important and so rarely encountered. I urge you to find a copy.
I was never what you wanted, I could never never please.
I swallowed all our sorrow in the midst of my disease.
I don't believe in the existence of mercy's guiding hand...
Not with all that I have witnessed, I cannot understand.
Forever burdened with the knowledge that I could have been so much more
When the truth is hard to suffer, I knew all this before
There is no comfort in faith, the heavens still will fail.
A thousand towers rise before me and I cannot climb them all.
There is no kind of joy in this, there is no time that it can heal.
When emptiness enshadows bliss, there is nothing left to feel.
I have not abandoned hope, though I know there's nothing more.
Tired and alone, you forget what you hoped for.
I will walk this ground forever
and stand guard against your name.
I will give all I can offer.
I will shoulder all the blame.
I am sentry to you now,
all your hopes and all your dreams.
I will hold you to the light,
that's what forever means.
I was never what you wanted, I could never never please.
I swallowed all our sorrow in the midst of my disease.
All my fortunes, all my gains, all the battles I have won...
Now collapsing like the rain, I stand alone, your only son.
Take some solace in these words, take notice of this place.
Hollow whispers that they are, like the wind upon my face.
Sing softly in my ear and look at me with wonder.
I will try to ease your fear as the darkness pulls you under.
And now an e-mail:
Hello Caitlin -
I thought it was imperative that you view this: A Very Scary Solstice. I've been sending the link to everyone, because it is the greatest holiday related project imaginable, and I thought you would appreciate it.
I also have a question for you - how did you find any bloody time to write in college? I just started (a month or two ago) a new story I'm really excited about, and its very much living out in my head, but its very difficult for me to find time to write. Right now I'm a junior and everything is kind of collapsing in over my head, so I'm ALWAYS busy with work. A professor suggested that I wake up early in the morning and I write then. I tried that, but... well... lets just say that I didn't quite hit the mark with anything I wrote. It was frelling awful because my mind was still so groggy. Any suggestions?
Thanks,
Samm
I have only one suggestion, Samm, and I'm loathe to make it, but here goes: writing classes. They suck. The students are often morons and sometimes the instructors are even worse. But the deadlines force you to write and give you an excuse to justify spending the time on your fiction. I did it. I hated the classes, but they made me write and that's what matters. Ignore the prattle and the critiques and most of the theory and all that dren and take from it only what you need, which is the time and motivation to write. And it also might help you clear up some electives. Hope that helps. And thanks for the ghoul...er, I mean Yule...link.
In Farscape news, SaveFarscape.com has finally announced the mini-series. Here's the link. I have only two words, for now: We win.
Now I work.
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