Sunday, February 09, 2003
Yesterday, I fell prey to Distraction and Sloth.
I think I'm shelving "The Rose Garden" for a second time. It's just not happening and, even if it were, I'm uncertain it would be the story that the editor of the anthology is asking for. I have to think, and read, and see where I stand afterwards. I see the heart of the story, clearly, in my mind, which is always a good sign. I know what its central images are, and its characters, and their relation to one another, but the language is failing me. And that's probably because I'm trying too hard to find a new voice for the piece, one that's more friendly to the "14 and up" audience that is the book's target. I could, at this point, resort to Primadonnaism and say that I must be true to myself and all else be damned, if my usual voice isn't sufficient, then I'm better off not being involved with this project. But that would be bullshit, and writers who do not bend go broke. I want to do this story, and I want to do it as I am being asked to do it. I am cognizant of the fact that my usual voice would not be quite appropriate. In this case, I am, by choice and with forethought, writing for a specific audience and writing to please myself. This story must satisfy the editor of the anthology and satisfy me and, hopefully, a few of the readers. But, I may be trying too hard and second-guessing (the editor, the intended readers), which is usually a bad idea.
Which leaves me at, "So, what do I do now instead?" I'm still waiting on the editorial letter from Roc to begin the read-through of Low Red Moon. I have an afterword to write for The Best of Subterranean Press and an introduction for Gemma Files' Kissing Carrion. Chapter Four of the novel formerly known as Murder of Angels is waiting to be written. I also need to put together a synopsis of it for my editor at Roc (and, as we all know, I despise synopses). I have another short story to write for another anthology (there's always another short story for another anthology). I have plenty to do. But I hate unfinished things, loose ends, and so "The Rose Garden" will nag at me.
Last night, Jennifer and Kathryn and I watched Derek Jarman's The Last of England, which put my head in an even more difficult and more desolate place. The inclusion of music by Marianne Faithful and Diamanda Galas added a queasy, bittersweet punch to the last third of the film.
This winter has to let up soon or I'm heading for the Keys . . .
|
|
